Stupid, friendless and fearing for his life, Steve Bartman Cubs anti-fan now rumored to in hiding with Saddam. ?He left Chicago sometime during the night with a flashlight, M&Ms and several tears? said his Mother Barbara Bartman. ?Steve was a shy boy. No friends really to speak of. That many have been because he was a 28 your old man living with his mother. It could also be that he is really, really stupid?

It is told he was picked up after the game in an Iraqi caravan disguised as a Marlin?s team bus. Sources tell us that they are one in the same. He received a special invitation by Saddam himself. Apparently the ex-dictator is a Florida fan.

?I hope Steve is alright? says his Mother. ?He has never been away from the house for more than a day. I am especially worried about the nights, since he is a bed wetter.?